Dear Bereaved Parent:

So much of what we read or have read in the past leads us to believe that we need to "get past", "get over", and have "closure" after the death of our child. This was, in the past, thought to be the only way to "move on" or "move forward" or continue with a healthy life. Ask any bereaved parent and they will clearly tell you they do not want "closure" with the love and connection with their child.

Most grief and loss research in the past, has not focused on the loss of a child. This devastating loss is now receiving more attention. Recent research is beginning to show, what bereaved parents have always known, you do not need to have "closure" after the death of a child. I don't know of any parent that wants to have "closure" on their beloved child!!!

The love and loss you have with your child can always remain with you. The pain of the loss will lessen and allow you to begin to find a new life, without the physical presence of your child in it.

There is a desire and need for bereaved parents to keep the love and connection with their child. When people who have never had a child die, refer to the need for "closure", I like to give them a copy of my feelings, what I refer to as "Closure Crap".

"CLOSURE CRAP"

There is no need for "closure" after the death of a child. Don't expect to find "closure" after your child dies. Don't spend your precious energy trying to find "closure" after your child dies. Although the physical presence of your child is gone, the bond, love and connection will remain with you forever. 

A parent and child bond can be created with feelings of a love so strong that even physical death can not destroy it.

Your child's spirit, memory and love will always be with you. There is no need to have "closure" with the love and connection you have with your child, even after death.

The connection and bond you continue with your child after death can provide you with a great source of strength. NURTURE IT.

Dr. Carolyn E. Rutherford